QUESTION THEM, THEY DON'T KNOW IT ALL

Most times I wonder if there is a problem with the cultural belief that exists in some parts of the world for example Nigeria, where it is believed that whatever older people say should be what is right. It doesn't only stop at being right but it is naturally seen to be an order instead of it being an advice and little opportunity is given to weigh the other options available to what is being contested.  

Looking at this routine that has gained popularity over the years, it has been discovered that this has not only stayed within the immediate family or Community where this culture evolved but it has also become a routine in offices, schools, and worship places thereby depriving the younger ones a say in matters that might even concern them more.

This has become a norm just because they are older or put in positions of authority.
Have we stopped to have a rethink of how far this has taken us? We have practiced this culture for so long that it has not only left us on the same spot but it has moved some people backward so much that they do not believe in themselves, let alone independent in decision making. 

An average Nigerian child born and bred in Nigeria at age 10 can hardly speak for himself/herself compared to another Nigerian child born and bred in UK, USA or the rest of the world. No thanks to the environment that has made the Nigerian Child believe your opinions don’t matter, Parents have the ultimate say, if they want you to be a Doctor just because that’s what they are they go all out and if you don’t accept you go at loggerheads with them. With this scenario, it isn't the fact that they are Nigerians that is the problem but the environment in which they were brought up has changed them. One has developed in a society where the culture makes you a captive while the other has developed in a society where both the young and old can be heard. 

I stand to be corrected but i will like to attribute this killing culture to a major cause of child abuse and molestation in the country. Take for instance, the fact that your parents are older than you automatically give them the right to assign you to outsiders for you to become their wife, house helps, or prostitute. These children can’t be blamed because they have learnt over time that listening to older people is the way to go by even though, they have that sense of it not being right but little can they say.

There are advantages to such a culture but looking at so many examples and havoc caused by this belief I can say it has caused more harm than good and it has brought about people losing their sense of belonging ,self-esteem and are lost in the world of the unknown. Everyday you hear of people taking advantage of both young and old and then you wonder if these people are not wise forgetting that this people have a mind frame that is streamlined towards a particular direction which is now being used as a loop hole to get at them and take advantage of their vulnerability.  

What is expected of a child who has been taught that elderly people should always be obeyed and here comes a stranger who tells a child to do what is not right, and all sort is done to such a child. Do we say the child is stupid or such a child has only followed the training that he/she has received while growing up? 

What do we say to ladies who have always been taught that the husband is the head of the home and they should always be obeyed no matter the situation and here is a man who molests and beats his wife or even girlfriends, yet such ladies stay in such abusive relationships? Do we blame them for their stupidity or we encourage them that they are well cultured and tutored? Do we remember that it is said that people can't hurt you except you allow them. Does our culture train that we allow people to hurt us in a disguise of respect and playing obedient? Why don't we train our upcoming generation on how to question actions and understand why things are done and not just allow things to be done based on the fact that we are obeying what our elders have said? 

How many of us know that there are some things our teachers taught us that are wrong not because they are totally wrong but because they will never work in our immediate environment yet we have adopted it. For example, we were taught there are four seasons in a year, winter, spring, Summer, autumn and if I am not mistaken we have seasons like rainy and dry season in Nigeria. And so many have died thinking we have such four seasons in Nigeria but as children we dare not question our teachers and the brave ones that did were tagged "I too know". Who said you cannot question your teachers, pastors and even your parents? A lot of parents have destroyed their kids marriages and others are still in the verge of doing that all because they have the mind frame that they must be obeyed. HELLO PEOPLE!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!

Please in as much as it's too late to correct these things in the generation we are in we can help the upcoming generation by supporting them and allowing them have a say in how their world will be. Never allow them live life the same way you lived yours in your generation because no two generations are of the same principles or making. In as much as experience is vital, it should be for guidance and not used to order people.

Written by Olumide
Editted by Sole

Will you still be by their side tomorrow?

“I never loved him, it was never love that made me marry him, I wanted to get out of my parent’s house. I wanted to leave that insane environment that put pressure on me. It’s 15 years now that we have been married and I have four kids for him, I tried loving him in the early years of our marriage but it is obvious that love does not exist and it cannot exist. Though I have never worked for one single day in the last 15 years because he provides me more than I need or ever imagine but I have come to realize never to jeopardize my entire life because of the little things I might get to benefit now. I regret ever considering meeting my immediate want without looking at what the future holds……..” The above words are direct statements made from a wife, mother and daughter, silently dying because she took the wrong step while she wanted to meet an immediate “want”.

Have we tried to take a second shot at reasons behind the decisions we are making, the man or woman we are thinking of settling down with. Are we making that decision for what we feel they will do or for whom they are?  That man or woman you want to marry, are you with him because you want to get married to a man and he happens to be the available man or because it is him you want to marry even if he was to be a woman and vice versa?

There are many suffering now in silence of the wrong decisions they made years back and unfortunately with such maximum awareness we have through the media and even experiences and events we have witnessed, this generation still tend to go in the same direction and even make worse decisions. This makes me wonder if really we are sane. A good description of our present generation is a generation that has all signals pointing to the direction but our curiosity still has a better hold of us. The question still remains, “Are we sane?”

Why are our men getting married because she is a size 8? Have they tried to look at her mum to have a rough idea what she will look like 10 to 20 years from now? If you don’t like how her mum looks now please don’t go for her so you don’t wake up 20 years from now beside what you hate most.

Why are the women getting married because he is rich? There is a season for everything and challenges will come which money wouldn't be able to conquer. Have you read the story of Job in the Bible, have you read the story of our Nigerian Politicians (The ones who existed for only 4 years). Please have a rethink. Have you asked yourself if 30 years from now he/she is on a wheelchair will you be proud enough to be associated  with him/her? If the answer is No walk away and don’t allow the present day joy make you sad for the rest of your life. It’s better to find things rough when young than when old because you have the strength to handle them now so be patient. Life unfolds in phases. Wait for yours.

Did they lie to us?

Did you ever trust what someone said only to find out it was a lie? Have you ever felt betrayed and disappointed because you expected something and it turned out all to be a farce? Let's not think further. I have some perfect examples of words we were all told which today makes you wonder. Unfortunately, these words have broken hearts, sent some people on the wrong path, condemned some to psychiatric homes, and made other fans of suicide and depression.

Seeming lies that have handed to some people, lives that were not meant to be theirs, or thrown some into chaos for the better part of their lives, seeming lies which have trampled the dreams of generations, and ruined destinies uncountable...........Lies! Lies! Lies!............



Let me refresh your memories.......Ka iwe e ko ma ba di eru egbe e (Study hard so that you don't have to be slaves to your mates). Who told you this? Ka iwe e ko ba le di eni giga (Study hard so that you can be successful). Now can you remember that voice? Oh wait, there's one more. Ka iwe e ko ba le ni ise ti o da ko ba le lowo lo wo.(Study hard so that you can get a good job and be rich). Now without any doubt i'm sure you are starting to hear those voices.

I present to you  LIES OF OUR ANCESTORS. These words are words a typical child born and bred in Nigeria heard everyday. They are words you dreamt of while sleeping; words that made changes to the questions such as "What will you like to be when you grow up?" and you dared not say a musician or farmer.
Words that brought you fear when you were about to get your school results; words that made you stay in social science class because you were too scared of the consequences of failing in science class.

Words spoken without considering the future; words that were said selfishly just so they could be called Baba Dokita (Doctor's father). All these words have been proven wrong when you consider the lives of those who kept to the words and yet are still slaves to money (e.g Bankers) or if you consider those who kept to such words yet remain jobless, unsuccessful and poor and then compare these to those lives that never listened to such words. Though some started small and lowly, they ended up as mentors to those that hearkened unto those words.

Please let us not tell our children those same lies we were told. We know the truth, their generation wouldn't be the same as ours, just the same way ours were not the same as our father's. Let them prepare for the future of their time not the future that we wish. Give them a chance.

FOR PRESENT AND FUTURE PARENTS

Editted by Teewah

Written by MideJune