QUESTION THEM, THEY DON'T KNOW IT ALL

Most times I wonder if there is a problem with the cultural belief that exists in some parts of the world for example Nigeria, where it is believed that whatever older people say should be what is right. It doesn't only stop at being right but it is naturally seen to be an order instead of it being an advice and little opportunity is given to weigh the other options available to what is being contested.  

Looking at this routine that has gained popularity over the years, it has been discovered that this has not only stayed within the immediate family or Community where this culture evolved but it has also become a routine in offices, schools, and worship places thereby depriving the younger ones a say in matters that might even concern them more.

This has become a norm just because they are older or put in positions of authority.
Have we stopped to have a rethink of how far this has taken us? We have practiced this culture for so long that it has not only left us on the same spot but it has moved some people backward so much that they do not believe in themselves, let alone independent in decision making. 

An average Nigerian child born and bred in Nigeria at age 10 can hardly speak for himself/herself compared to another Nigerian child born and bred in UK, USA or the rest of the world. No thanks to the environment that has made the Nigerian Child believe your opinions don’t matter, Parents have the ultimate say, if they want you to be a Doctor just because that’s what they are they go all out and if you don’t accept you go at loggerheads with them. With this scenario, it isn't the fact that they are Nigerians that is the problem but the environment in which they were brought up has changed them. One has developed in a society where the culture makes you a captive while the other has developed in a society where both the young and old can be heard. 

I stand to be corrected but i will like to attribute this killing culture to a major cause of child abuse and molestation in the country. Take for instance, the fact that your parents are older than you automatically give them the right to assign you to outsiders for you to become their wife, house helps, or prostitute. These children can’t be blamed because they have learnt over time that listening to older people is the way to go by even though, they have that sense of it not being right but little can they say.

There are advantages to such a culture but looking at so many examples and havoc caused by this belief I can say it has caused more harm than good and it has brought about people losing their sense of belonging ,self-esteem and are lost in the world of the unknown. Everyday you hear of people taking advantage of both young and old and then you wonder if these people are not wise forgetting that this people have a mind frame that is streamlined towards a particular direction which is now being used as a loop hole to get at them and take advantage of their vulnerability.  

What is expected of a child who has been taught that elderly people should always be obeyed and here comes a stranger who tells a child to do what is not right, and all sort is done to such a child. Do we say the child is stupid or such a child has only followed the training that he/she has received while growing up? 

What do we say to ladies who have always been taught that the husband is the head of the home and they should always be obeyed no matter the situation and here is a man who molests and beats his wife or even girlfriends, yet such ladies stay in such abusive relationships? Do we blame them for their stupidity or we encourage them that they are well cultured and tutored? Do we remember that it is said that people can't hurt you except you allow them. Does our culture train that we allow people to hurt us in a disguise of respect and playing obedient? Why don't we train our upcoming generation on how to question actions and understand why things are done and not just allow things to be done based on the fact that we are obeying what our elders have said? 

How many of us know that there are some things our teachers taught us that are wrong not because they are totally wrong but because they will never work in our immediate environment yet we have adopted it. For example, we were taught there are four seasons in a year, winter, spring, Summer, autumn and if I am not mistaken we have seasons like rainy and dry season in Nigeria. And so many have died thinking we have such four seasons in Nigeria but as children we dare not question our teachers and the brave ones that did were tagged "I too know". Who said you cannot question your teachers, pastors and even your parents? A lot of parents have destroyed their kids marriages and others are still in the verge of doing that all because they have the mind frame that they must be obeyed. HELLO PEOPLE!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!

Please in as much as it's too late to correct these things in the generation we are in we can help the upcoming generation by supporting them and allowing them have a say in how their world will be. Never allow them live life the same way you lived yours in your generation because no two generations are of the same principles or making. In as much as experience is vital, it should be for guidance and not used to order people.

Written by Olumide
Editted by Sole

Will you still be by their side tomorrow?

“I never loved him, it was never love that made me marry him, I wanted to get out of my parent’s house. I wanted to leave that insane environment that put pressure on me. It’s 15 years now that we have been married and I have four kids for him, I tried loving him in the early years of our marriage but it is obvious that love does not exist and it cannot exist. Though I have never worked for one single day in the last 15 years because he provides me more than I need or ever imagine but I have come to realize never to jeopardize my entire life because of the little things I might get to benefit now. I regret ever considering meeting my immediate want without looking at what the future holds……..” The above words are direct statements made from a wife, mother and daughter, silently dying because she took the wrong step while she wanted to meet an immediate “want”.

Have we tried to take a second shot at reasons behind the decisions we are making, the man or woman we are thinking of settling down with. Are we making that decision for what we feel they will do or for whom they are?  That man or woman you want to marry, are you with him because you want to get married to a man and he happens to be the available man or because it is him you want to marry even if he was to be a woman and vice versa?

There are many suffering now in silence of the wrong decisions they made years back and unfortunately with such maximum awareness we have through the media and even experiences and events we have witnessed, this generation still tend to go in the same direction and even make worse decisions. This makes me wonder if really we are sane. A good description of our present generation is a generation that has all signals pointing to the direction but our curiosity still has a better hold of us. The question still remains, “Are we sane?”

Why are our men getting married because she is a size 8? Have they tried to look at her mum to have a rough idea what she will look like 10 to 20 years from now? If you don’t like how her mum looks now please don’t go for her so you don’t wake up 20 years from now beside what you hate most.

Why are the women getting married because he is rich? There is a season for everything and challenges will come which money wouldn't be able to conquer. Have you read the story of Job in the Bible, have you read the story of our Nigerian Politicians (The ones who existed for only 4 years). Please have a rethink. Have you asked yourself if 30 years from now he/she is on a wheelchair will you be proud enough to be associated  with him/her? If the answer is No walk away and don’t allow the present day joy make you sad for the rest of your life. It’s better to find things rough when young than when old because you have the strength to handle them now so be patient. Life unfolds in phases. Wait for yours.

Did they lie to us?

Did you ever trust what someone said only to find out it was a lie? Have you ever felt betrayed and disappointed because you expected something and it turned out all to be a farce? Let's not think further. I have some perfect examples of words we were all told which today makes you wonder. Unfortunately, these words have broken hearts, sent some people on the wrong path, condemned some to psychiatric homes, and made other fans of suicide and depression.

Seeming lies that have handed to some people, lives that were not meant to be theirs, or thrown some into chaos for the better part of their lives, seeming lies which have trampled the dreams of generations, and ruined destinies uncountable...........Lies! Lies! Lies!............



Let me refresh your memories.......Ka iwe e ko ma ba di eru egbe e (Study hard so that you don't have to be slaves to your mates). Who told you this? Ka iwe e ko ba le di eni giga (Study hard so that you can be successful). Now can you remember that voice? Oh wait, there's one more. Ka iwe e ko ba le ni ise ti o da ko ba le lowo lo wo.(Study hard so that you can get a good job and be rich). Now without any doubt i'm sure you are starting to hear those voices.

I present to you  LIES OF OUR ANCESTORS. These words are words a typical child born and bred in Nigeria heard everyday. They are words you dreamt of while sleeping; words that made changes to the questions such as "What will you like to be when you grow up?" and you dared not say a musician or farmer.
Words that brought you fear when you were about to get your school results; words that made you stay in social science class because you were too scared of the consequences of failing in science class.

Words spoken without considering the future; words that were said selfishly just so they could be called Baba Dokita (Doctor's father). All these words have been proven wrong when you consider the lives of those who kept to the words and yet are still slaves to money (e.g Bankers) or if you consider those who kept to such words yet remain jobless, unsuccessful and poor and then compare these to those lives that never listened to such words. Though some started small and lowly, they ended up as mentors to those that hearkened unto those words.

Please let us not tell our children those same lies we were told. We know the truth, their generation wouldn't be the same as ours, just the same way ours were not the same as our father's. Let them prepare for the future of their time not the future that we wish. Give them a chance.

FOR PRESENT AND FUTURE PARENTS

Editted by Teewah

Written by MideJune

Spotting the difference

There is always a difference between every situation, every thought and every action. Spotting the difference might not be easy but always know there is a difference. The difference is that edge that gives us hope. The difference is that which gives you a reason to want to give it a second shot and that difference is that which gives you strength to keep moving on.


In the cause of our existence i have come to discover that in as much has that difference has a lot of good things attached to it there is something needed to benefit from it, that is spotting it. Inability to spot the difference is one of the things that make people do several things they do in today's world. Let's start with ourselves. Reading this piece today there are several things you have done because that is the trend others are following. 

Try to identify 

what this shining light is and

see how difficult it is to 

spot the difference.

If walking or driving towards this shining light, the ability to spot the difference of it been either a shining moon, a torch light or a bike's full light determines what actions we take. Inability to be able to spot it puts us in confusion and this can be likened to why so many people are confused today because they have failed to spot the difference.

You see students studying in a particular manner because that is how their friends are studying forgetting they need to spot the difference between them and their friends and how well each person can assimilate and what period. You see people saying i want to travel abroad because that is what everyone around them is doing forgetting to spot the difference between what your family can afford and what others can, forgetting everyone's mission is different. You see others jumping into relationships and marriages because their friends are getting married or because someone has said it's time to get married. They have forgotten there is a difference between each person's destiny and life plan. Forgetting it is not how early you do it but how successful it becomes when you do it. 




We find ourselves following the crowd because we have refused to sit down and spot the difference between   ourselves and others. We compare ourselves with others every opportunity we have making ourselves sad forgetting no two lives have the same mission. They can be similar but never the same. 

A clear way to know the essence of spotting the difference is when you want to take a shower in an environment where the temperature is cold and you need to use a warm water to shower. You have two buckets of water in front of you same bucket size and color but one is warm and the other is very cold. If you refuse to wait a minute to spot the difference and you end up pouring a bowl of the cold one on your body am sure you can imagine what will happen. That is how important and necessary spotting the difference is in life. The more we are able to spot the difference between us and others the more right decisions we are likely to make in live. 

WHAT MAKES LOVE EMPTY

The saying goes thus "It is whatever you leave carelessly that a goat carries". If related to matters of relationships, it can be said to be, "It is the spouse you do not care for that another man/woman entices and get". 

Experiencing matters of the heart does not seem to be a stranger but understanding matters of the heart might be quite a challenge for many of us and as it has always been said that challenges are not meant to oppress but to make you press forward to achieve your desired goal. Based on the above statement it will then be correct to say understanding matters of the heart is worth looking forward to as we are sure it will lead us to a desired goal. 


Love is a word that entails a lot but it is commonly used while empty. It can be compared to a person's system's hard drive that contains mostly everything the system needs to function but this person mostly uses the hard drive when infected with a virus that clears the memory therefore leading to the person who owns the hard drive not to value it because it is already empty when used. 



Love is full of things like Patience, Kindness, Tolerance, Peace, Long Suffering and so many things. Love becomes empty of all these things when there is doubt. You see a wife who claims to love and says "I love you" every time she sees her husband and yet the first thing she does immediately the husband picks a call is to try and find out who called in suspicion of foul play. Such love is empty and all it does is paralyses the relationship. It kills faster than any disease. 

The only solution i can think of at the moment is this. "When You Love Never Doubt, and When You Doubt Never Love".


If you know of any other solution not to make love empty please post when typing your comment.

Choices we never made.

The little child with five nannies attending to him/her and the little child sleeping under the bridge without a mother have something in common which is the inability to decide which family they were born into. The child who bares John and the other who bares Wilson both have something in common, the inability to choose what they should be called as at that time even though we now have people growing up and changing their names but as at then when they were little such choices were never their's to make.

Walking down my usual lonely road while trying to go earn a living, rain pouring down heavily during that rush hour when everyone is trying to make it to work before resumption time. I can not but help notice a small boy of about five or six years old all dressed up in a grey trouser, white shirt and a little bit over-sized dark blue jacket which if am right is his school uniform, also participating in the rush of making it to school before it's 9am but now he is fully soaked with the down pour of the rain. He is still dragging himself in the rain without any umbrella and just right beside me on the road is another boy of the same age having the same school uniform on, seated inside a Mercedes-Benz S-Class licking a big stick of lollipop. 

The two different scenarios at the same time got me really thinking and that brought about questions. 
Did any of those two little boys ever choose their present situations or conditions?
Did one do something much better than the other?
If they happen to  be in the same class will it be easier for the boy who has just finished having lollipop to concentrate compared to the other one who will probably still be finding a way to get his clothes dry or shivering from the impact of the wet clothes?  

So many questions to ask and a few right answers to be given which leads to the summary that there are so many choices we never made but the good news is most of them we can change. We find ourselves in different situations that we never planned to be and instead of work towards changing them all we do is lament without doing anything about it. Ask yourself today, "That thing I complained about, what have i done to change it?" The family you use as excuse for not having a good background, now that you have grown up what efforts have you made to ensure that the next family that comes through you will not experience what you have experienced. 

Are we going to be like the young boy who despite the rain still decided to keep walking straight to school because he wanted to impact the choices he never had the opportunity to make or are we going to do otherwise and stay in the rain looking at the boy in the car and just having self pity without doing anything?

It's So Easy To Say But Not So Easy To Do

Walking through the lonely roads of a foreign land after a long day's work, rain falling and everyone in a rush to get back home and call it a day. I put on my headphones and switch the music to play. At the other end is a confused man who feels his life is turning upside down, seeking advice from his sister who recommends and calls a third party to give a short counselling session. After so much of encouraging words, there is a long silence and the response to all that have been said is "It's So Easy To Say But Not So Easy To Do". I present to you R. Kelly's 3 Way Phone Call.

Many of us have at some point in our lives being advised on what to do and how to go about it. Sometimes when listening to such advice you even get confused as to why you never knew all these stuffs before now especially if being spoken to by a smooth talker who speaks really well. You hear such things like 

"Try to be hard working"                                                "You have to be humble and submissive" 

"You need to forgive"                                                     "You need to love"

Bla Bla Bla................

We have a task to achieve and that is executing all of these things. Is it enough to just say go and excel without giving out the necessary tools and not only giving them but also showing how to use such tools. Many are with the right tools a few have been shown how to use them. Listening to those words makes one reflect on how smooth a talker one can be and how little such talks would be needed if only one could show it. Do we think communication will be more effective if we viewed examples of the advice people give? Even though everything does not work for people in the same way or fashion, with a proper example that is obvious, it will be easier to customize such examples to work for each person.

Let's look at some general samples. Dad tells son " Learn to forgive and the same Dad has being in the same house with Mum for 5 days without talking to each other". Isn't that an irony. A very common one. Our boss at work always says "Try not to be lazy, come to work early, plan ahead and be hard working". The same boss at 10am is at the golf club on a Monday morning, gets to work 1pm and just starts preparing in a rush for a meeting that is scheduled for 2pm. In the real sense of it, are such advises gotten from such people effective? Let's think about it. In any area of our present life how much effort have we tried to put into doing first before saying rather than saying before doing? 

My own opinion is advises will be much more easier to accept and execute if the adviser does first before saying. 

What do you think? Comment.

How do you stand and keep moving?

"You need to talk to someone you can confide in, someone who cares and will understand. Not necessarily the one you are speaking to at the moment, I know God will strengthen you. Keep yourself strong and remember life needs to continue no matter how much we fall. The good news is we have to stand up and keep moving cause the finish line is the goal not the obstacles we face while on the track"

Just when i felt i have communicated effectively after saying all these things, the big question that sweeps me off my feet comes. " How do you stand and keep moving?"................. Hmm food for thought.

Here we are in a confused world full of confused people. Everyone trying to set the standard and meet up to expectations forgetting those expectations were standards set by men. A world where you wake up and the under wears that were invented initially to cover the buttocks are now made for the buttocks to cover the underwear. Are we going to say we are not going to follow the standard. A world where in fifty years from now our children will see what we call absurd as their own lifestyle (standard) which they will have to live as normal. 

Now that brings me to the question why worry about how bad you have fallen when you still have such a long track to cover to reach your goal. The disappointment of falling does not come most times based on the fact that we fall but based on the fact that people expected better things than that. Why bother about people? They were not there when the standards were set, they would not be there when the standards will be changed, so why consider them when setting your own standard? 

Falling is the ultimate test of stamina, standing is the ultimate reassurance of confidence. Standing tells everyone you know what you are doing and you know where you are heading. How do you stand? You stand by understanding you have not reached your final goal therefore that motivates you to stand. Now when people do not cherish their final goals even when they realize they have not reached that goal after falling, they may decide to abandon that goal and want to give up. Therefore first key point for standing is understanding your goal and cherishing it with a passion. The three D's of cherishing and achieving it is Determination, Dedication and Discipline. Those 3 D's will make you cherish and achieve what ever goal you desire in life once you have the backing of God.

Am still off my feet as that question still keeps me thinking........ "How do you stand and keep moving"

Post your comments just to help people know how they can stand after they feel or sense they have fallen.

Guess am on my way........

Just when you decide to drop your pen. The door opens and here you are with a bunch of files that needs your approval and all you hear again is that tiny voice that gets you on your feet. "Tony I need you to go through all these files and i need them on my table by tomorrow morning" Looking at your watch it is 5.30pm and your appointment letter says resumption time is 8am while closing time is 5pm. Am sure you know what is going through my mind now (Curses of different degrees for the boss) but you dare not say them out. All you do is smile and say okay.

Above is a typical scenario everyone who has not reached the peak faces in every area of life. Be it Career, Relationships, Marriage, Religion and even during day to day activities. Just when you say that word "Guess am on my way........." Another challenge rises up and then you wonder am i ever going to be free, will i ever have peace of mind, will i ever move to the next level?

The good news is count yourself lucky to be fit and capable of facing challenges. Many are out there just hoping if only i could have a job i would not mind working 24 hours, others are hoping if only i have a relationship i would not mind us disagreeing everyday and some are also saying if only i can be accepted in this society i will not mind ........ and here you are feeling down because you are faced with such challenges.

Challenges don't just come they are the pre destined bridges to link us from our present to our future (Good or Bad). The way we handle such challenges determine if the future turns good or goes bad. When faced with one ask yourself this question " Do i want to tred on this bridge gently so as to get to the other side safe and happy or do i want to jump on this bridge and not make it to the other side safe all because i lack patience? Such questions help us make better decisions though not always because sometimes we don't even have the opportunity to think of those questions before acting but a constant thought of such questions prepares us for such times. A good example is Tony, the way he decides to handle the challenge in front of him determines what tomorrow holds for him if he will still be in employment with a clean shit of no queries or  probably even lose his job or face disciplinary actions cause at that point he has little or no time to think of the questions.

Here we are today in the same situation thinking am at a cross road which way should i go. What i will say to you is go the direction that will not be free of challenges because every challenge makes you stronger and prepares you for the next level of progress.

Stranded in the real world

          Looking back at the days when my primary school teacher will ask us all in class "What will you like to be when you grow up" and you hear answers like "excuse mi ma" "I want to be a teacher, doctor, lawyer .......etc." Twenty years down the line those voices are resounding in my memory and all i hear now is "God if only i could get a job, if only i was married, if only i had money, if only life can be just a little much better" 
Now the question i ask myself is "What factors have become responsible for the different things we speak using the same voice we used twenty years back but uttering different words"? 
        The journey of life goes in such a way that you plan it so perfectly well that you wonder sometimes if anything could ever go wrong and just when you decide to stop planning, the force of destiny blows it's wind and all you have to do is start planning all over again and just when you feel you have done it right a second time you discover your plans were only going to come to pass in a world that was perfect. Unfortunately the real world you live in is not close to a perfect world. A world full of uncertainties and surprises, a world where the hopeless have hope (which is popularly known as miracles) and those with great expectations become hopeless and then you wonder why?

         Some lose it along the line while others struggle to continue. In the process of struggling some are still hoping and others are hopeless yet all are struggling. This takes me to the story so far.

         A young lady who has being addressed as princess all her life grows up to discover no man wants her hand in marriage and all she does ask is why? She has journeyed all through life with a mind set that a princess gets married  to a handsome prince who is very rich and famous. Here she is stranded in a world where she has hardly had a straight six months relationship without breaking up. Now she has come to sit and reflect on the reasons why. Growing up for the princess was smooth and without challenges therefore having no reasons to build up stamina. She had everything at her finger tips and whenever she wanted something all she did was cry and she is given all she wants. Princess has journeyed through life not knowing the reality of life awaits her and that when faced with that reality she will be left alone with herself, her attitude and her stamina to withstand the wind. She has journeyed all through life based on false ideas and practices. Only if she knew then that she will be stranded someday probably she would have learnt how to cook, how to wash and how to speak politely.

          Our journey through life can be related to that of princess who lived life thinking it will always be good, and that same song will always be what we will sing. We were never told a real world awaits us whereby all what we have gathered during the cause of our journey will be the things that will speak for us when stranded. We were never encouraged to hold our cutlasses to clear the footpath in case the grasses grow during our long walk in life. All we pictured in mind was a very bright tomorrow forgetting tomorrow has it's own seasons of MORNING, AFTERNOON and NIGHT. If only we were prepared probably some would not think i can party all night and yet be welcomed home with my husband's hand widely open or some will not think i can have all the friends in the world yet keep a good home. Remember you can not serve two masters which has it's exception whereby you can serve two masters only if you will be the sacrifice. 
        Therefore the answer to the question of "What factors have become responsible for the different things we speak using the same voice we used twenty years back but uttering different words"?
      is lack of preparation. Identifying how prepared we are for the challenges ahead helps us determine what to hope for, what to long for and what to go for.
        

The world of unending expectations..........

The world full of so many unsatisfied achievers. They wake up with so many plans achieve them and getting to the end they have so many to start with again.... and the question is why all the worries..... We are in a world where the trend is followed to the later part of our lives where the foundation now has to determine the direction knowing fully well that the foundation was not set by us but the direction becomes our responsibility.

And here you are after achieving all those things that you saw as great back in the days. The question comes WHAT NEXT? And then you remember there is something greater than the present achievement and you want to get there but the question WHY never comes at that point.


Born into the world where you can not decide from the first day that you want to be a brick layer or a goldsmith..... all arrows says go to school. Here you are gone to all the schools, achieved all you can in school and have the money but yet there are still so much expected of you and so little you expect of yourself. The reality of this stared at our ascestors but instead of been more flexible the present generation is faced with the same and the question is WHY...... Are we going to look while our children come into the world have no opportunity to choose for themselves until they get older and when  they have the opportunity the foundation has to be considered?

So much is expected as the day goes by but just a few of the expectations will be achieved without bringing forth further expectations. A summary of the world we live in can be said to be a journey where there is no destination but alot of stop overs. Directions are determined by the road signs (Economic, Political, Social and Cultural factors not forgetting religion) and stop overs are determined by capability and how far one can go at a particular time.  And the question still remains is there going to be an end to the expectations?

Happiness is key

Looking back at the things that one has achieved and the lapses that has added to the totality of one's life, you can not but acknowledge the true essence of happiness. Growing up in the midst of unhappy people tends to tune the midset of many. Waking up listening to couples fighting, children crying and your stomach making that sound requesting for food makes you wonder the true value life has got to offer (The life of an average african child). Yet you go on with the daily activities smiling and pretending everything is going on well. Now comes the question?

                        WHY PRETEND TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU ARE NOT......

This is what leads to the uniqueness and effectiveness of happiness. When a man is happy or pretends to be happy, things can afford to be normal and go smoothly but when a man is unhappy everything around such a person is upside down even when they are standing straight. Happiness reflects the positivity in errors. Happiness brings out the brightness in darkness. Every man strives to be happy but not every one is happy. Your happiness is determined by you. Live your life a happy person and things will work out well.


                                                                                                                                        June says so.........